Yesterday I was Googling what other people thought of the O levels so far and I couldn't find anything except for official SEAB sites which wasn't much of a comfort. This generation likes to take to Twitter and make memes instead, which can be a blessing actually. I laughed a lot yesterday looking at those troll Twitter accounts of exam characters.
Anyway, I decided to carry on with this post just for those of you out there who might be feeling really crappy after the papers totally screwed us over. Cos hey, remember: I feel you. We're in this together. Really.
To put it bluntly, I thought the papers were horrible. Particularly E math and A math, because it's not as if I was a brainybox in the first place; in fact I feel a lot dumber than my peers sometimes. It seems that most of the MG girls take to maths and science in a way that's difficult for me. So the first blow was doing the exam itself and panicking when it was nothing like the TYS that we'd done. The second blow was talking about it afterwards with them and realizing that even though the standard was higher than expected for everyone, I was the one who would fall below further than anyone because I'm not at their level.
I have rudimentary knowledge about the bell curve, but the basic understanding of it is that if more people don't do well, you're more likely to do well. It sounds mean and nasty but that's the way things are- preparing us for a dog-eats-dog world maybe. Perhaps some students take comfort in this but it doesn't do much for me personally. If anything I will be the one that's helping others get their A1s.
Take A Math. This is pretty personal, but I was honestly very upset by Paper 1. During the exam I had a mini, silent meltdown because I had way higher expectations of myself. It's not unfamiliar to me: but to feel yourself choke up, heart pounding like crazy, and come up with absolutely nothing for a question- for a national exam that decides the rest of your life- it's awful, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
This wasn't another school test that I could say, eff it, there's time to straighten things out. That was it. Final.
Plus I had tried to straighten it out. I did all of the TYS. I got tuition. I went for every one of Mr.Ling's A math Academy lessons. It's one thing to fail without trying. It's another to try and still fail. It makes you feel like your efforts went to waste. And after all that, you're still not good enough.
Well....that's a summary of how it is right now.
I just want to tell whoever's down in the dumps that you're not alone. I, too, feel like this has gone very wrong. And I too am struggling. But if I can keep studying, keep working, and keep my chin up, so can you. We all can, no matter what happens. So we will.
L / 18 / SG / ACJC
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last updated: 5 september