This has morphed into some kind of online diary. It reminds me uncomfortably of primary school days when I blogged on my school's website. Hopefully this is better and I won't cringe when I look back on it 5 years from now. Who am I kidding, I probably will.
Today was a day of sorts.
The good parts were that I aced my chinese test which really made me feel good. I felt like a top student. So I actually tried to pay attention in all my classes and everything. I handed up my A math homework on time, too. I also tied a french plait and put a headband on which was supposed to make me look neat. I hoped I looked nice and I guess I did. It was so nice to hear compliments about it. Danielle. Mikayla. Denise. People who are so much nicer than I deserve.
It started to go a little downhill from Chemistry. I totally flunked the practical, even though it's supposedly easy. I forgot 100% of the things I was supposed to remember. And while everyone was breezing through the questions I was still panicking trying to remember formulas that didn't exist. The truth is I didn't even understand the questions themselves.
And later in the afternoon came the worst bit. Actually, at first it was OK. I felt nice and chummy with my friends, the Sec 4 dancers, and goofing around with juniors and stuff. But then the bad news spilled. Since this is my online diary I'm not going to go into detail about the whole backstory. This is just for me. Basically, my dance coach got (is/was?) angry at me (and a few other people) for pulling out of a dance.
I don't know how things are now but I hit rock bottom when I heard that. My heart just plummeted to the floor after that and I kind of blanked out.
It was only a bit after that I started crying a little. That's not the important part though. It's the fact one of my good friends, Phoebe, stood up to hug me and tell me it's OK. Just that made me feel so, so much better. Because at least one person was on my side. One person who I love and respect and it is the biggest comfort that my friend sticks by me.
Also, Natalie stood up for me (not to anyone in particular but in general), saying how I made the right decision and that I shouldn't feel bad for it just because of what he thinks. She was really defensive, and I was so relieved. Even though it wasn't to anyone's face, her support just meant a million. And I am so grateful to her.
So I'm going to stick to it the best I can. I'm just endlessly thankful today. I don't deserve so much love. I don't know where it comes from. But I am forever grateful.
L / 18 / SG / ACJC
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If you get everything you want the minute you want it, what's the point of living?
last updated: 5 september